Shadows of a Secluded Mind
by KissofJudas
Summary: -EARLY PIECE- When you spend your life in a coffin, some strange things pass through your mind. Vincent's perspective.
1. Before the journey

I've been lying in this coffin for so long now…I can barely remember where or why I got here. My story…it was once secret, but now no longer. I am the supposed vampire that sleeps in a coffin, gets out with Cloud and his friends, and then saves the world. Lovely little life? I'd love to differ with you. Vincent Valentine isn't perfect. How many people in your area can look around and then turn into a flesh-eating monster? Nor do I change at will into these beings that possess me. Chaos, Hellmask, Galian Beast, Death Gigas, can emerge from my skin whenever they feel the need for blood in their teeth… 

No one wants to see the undead hero. No one wants to write stories with no happy beginning, middle, or end.

But someone has to live them.

I suppose that lucky person's me.

I started my life on the streets with gangs surrounding me and gunfire lulling me to sleep. The middle of my life was spent with the woman I loved the most. Is that a happy ending? Not when she is simply being used as the host of a jaded scientist's evil scheme to make a superhuman…and she dies from it. Then, I suppose, this will probably be the end of my life. I will sit here, doing what that same jaded scientist - curse Hojo into the flames of the darkest ring of Hell – told me to. I lie, "atoning" for my sins. When the sin of Lucrecia is Hojo's own, I see not the reason…but I suppose I have committed enough sins in the dark of an alleyway to be in need of atonement. 

It is sad…that I see no future beyond the dark violet walls of this box, my eternal home. My eternal home…it almost seems as if being in the box will kill me. I cannot see how I could ever die…the cells of the demons and other abnormalities floating in my blood have surely given me equally abnormal longevity, if not immortality… 

In my dreams…I can see Lucrecia opening the lid to this coffin. She does not see my eyes. She does not see my claw. She cannot see any deformity I have and she simply reopens her loving embrace to me… the embrace that, when we met, she could never grant me… 

However, I would gladly accept anyone opening this coffin and seeing the monster inside. I would gladly take the chance to fly free and wreak revenge on the professor bastard that locked me in here in the first place. I keep hoping – hoping against hope – but I suppose my dreams are in vain. The key to this room is guarded well – almost too well – and the only person in my knowledge that could defeat the monster guarding the key is myself…but in this coffin, even I cannot beat it.

I hear a click, the door? Footsteps. Suddenly the room is thrown into view with a glaring shock of light. A young man with bright yellow spiked hair looks down at me. Perhaps the impossible has become possible. Perhaps the monster will be given his chance.

Not much, but I like it……review please…?!?!?! (A/N after editing- CURSE HOJO AND YOUR FRIED CLAM STRIPS TOO!) *sorry, that's my dad's influence*

-Skie Valent


	2. After the journey

A/N – Well, after getting a suggestion to do this, I have decided to. Here's a second addition to Vincent's thoughts. Apparently I write him better than I thought! Thanks to all who reviewed the first chapter.

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My task is complete; my mission is finished. Although I had convinced Cloud, the young man that freed me from my cage, to leave without me, I could not let him go without finding out…if he was to meet with Hojo in his travels. Little did I know…who all we were going to meet.

The mission changed often. Apparently I was not one of the first to join their group – I was one of the last additions. I spend very little time thinking of the real mission…defeating Lucrecia's son, Sephiroth. Ah…Lucrecia…you were not as dead as I realized. I should have known that the monster's cells, Jenova's cells, would have been injected into you…I should have known. I should have realized so much…that I did not. But…I digress.

I was taken so many places in both this world and my mind I cannot even remember who I was before. Traveling underwater to a cave where I found Lucrecia, I realized that my love for her, even over this decade of despair, had not faded. Traveling to Midgar to destroy the Sister Ray and meeting the monster that made me what I am, Hojo, made me realize how dangerous I could truly be…if I let what Hojo did to me truly go to my brain. I could be as crazy as he was – as he is – if I let him "get to me". I will never forget that last encounter with the professor…and I will never forget the look on his face as he saw me become the monster.

However…my strongest lesson was learned as Sephiroth was finally defeated at the Northern Crater. I learned that every human has a very powerful emotion that can sneak up behind you and catch you when you least expect it. Every human has this trait, and even the most careful person cannot suppress it. This emotion is attachment, friendship…the feeling that you have "bonded" with someone. As Sephiroth was defeated and we dragged our weary bodies back to the Highwind, Cid Highwind's airship, we all realized what the defeat of Meteor really meant. Yes, we had saved the Planet, and we were to be commended for that…but now the group had to break. I had tried for the entire journey to distance myself from the group to avoid any tearful good-byes, but salty water found its way even to my eyes at the end, due to the most unexpected people. Perhaps my ability to distance myself needs work. Perhaps I simply need to travel with anyone other than Yuffie Kisaragi.

Lucrecia, I lied to you once, but I cannot again. Your son now is truly dead, and your former lover is partially to blame. He had turned into a monster, just like your former lover. If you can still hear me, as I sit on the ruins of the proud city that used to be Midgar, please try to forgive me. I will rot in Hell as punishment for my sins long enough…I do not need the added time of your grudge.

Cloud, Tifa, Barret, Nanaki, Cid…Yuffie…I do not know when I will see you again. Stronger than I had expected, the demons in my head fight for the control of my body. I know that I cannot hold them off for all my life. It is possible that you will hear of my death…and that no one knows why. I can explain to you now why I am dead. Chaos…he will kill me, I am sure of it. He will be the one to kill me.

Aeris…you are the true savior of the Planet. You are truly the one deserving of the praise we all received. You are an angel, a martyr to your cause. I cannot express in words the sorrow I feel over your death. May you watch over this demon…and perhaps feel a shred of sorrow for a man that sold his soul to the devil long ago…without his consent.

Mine is a life full of fire and death, full of tears and regret, full of loathing and self-doubt. It is not a fate I would wish on ever my worst enemy…but perhaps I have become my worst enemy. I have learned so much from my partners. Possibly the most prominent thing in my mind is something Tifa Lockheart told me, just before she and Cloud left for Nibelheim. I believe that her words are fresh enough in my mind that I can quote her.

_"Vincent," she said, "have you learned anything from this entire thing?" I raised my eyebrow at her. It seemed an odd question._

_"Did you have anything in mind, Tifa?" She hung her head._

_"I was just thinking…you've been traveling all this time…and you've never forgiven yourself."  
  
_

_"Forgiven myself?" Her logic made no sense to me._

"Yeah…forgiven yourself. You hold all sorts of things to yourself as if they were your sins…but they're not, Vincent. You couldn't have done anything about most if not all of them." I nodded slowly. It had all come into focus then. I could have done nothing but die. Though I often think that death would have been preferable, it would not have been the right course of action.

"I see what you mean." She smiled. "I'll think about what you've said, Tifa. Thank you." She nodded, gave me a very brief hug, and ran off to Cloud and her chocobos.

She asks me to forgive myself…for something I haven't done. Though it has taken me this long to decode her message…she wants me to leave my past behind me…and keep it my past. What I did, I have done. What I did not…or could not do…I have not done. I have to let it be.

Thank you, Tifa. I will heed your advice. I look to the sky now, a free man, and notice that the stars shine so much more brightly now…


End file.
